butter them thighs

This will perhaps come as no surprise, but the thing I cannot stop hearing about when I pedicab is my ass. It is, indeed, a hard working ass. It can haul several hundred pounds through the streets of Portland, after all. And if you are sitting in the back of my pedicab, it's right up in your face.

Although I had low self esteem for much of my life, and spent many years feeling bad about my body, I somehow never felt bad about my ass. But the reactions I get to it today- well, I never would have expected them! Maybe if I'd been a pedicab driver in high school my head would have exploded by now from having my ego constantly stroked, and I wouldn't have needed years of therapy to realized I'm not fat and unattractive. Who knows.

Last weekend I picked up a nice man that was going to C.C. Slaughter's, one of Portland's many downtown gay bars. It was only about 6 blocks from where I picked him up. "It's bear night!" he said "I'm really excited to meet some big, hairy guys." I laughed and congratulated him.

As we stopped at a light, a van full of downtown nightlife douche bags pulled up next to us. Perhaps you know the type- they are practically interchangeable with one another. They are white, and they all wear untucked, white button down shirts with jeans, axe body spray, and lots of hair gel. One of them pulls the side door of the van opening and shouts excitedly at my passenger.

"DAMMMMMMMNNN, man, you've got the best fuckin' view! Look at that ass!" And he continued to shout about my ass for two solid minutes. The best part was when he shouted "I would just butter them thighs!" When the light changed and the van pulled away, I half heartedly shouted thanks at them. I wasn't exactly offended, but what do you say to such an enthusiastic, yet uninvited, reaction one's ass?

My passenger, who being gay I knew was not very interested in my ass, shrugged and said "Eh, wrong gender. But, uh, I guess you have a pretty nice butt." I just laughed.