I'm with Sam

Today is election day in Oregon! Here in Portland, we have a mayoral election. There are two front runners- Sho Dozono and Sam Adams. Sho Dozono is a small business owner with no previous political experience and head of the Portland Business Alliance. The PBA is an organization I don't like very much because they are one of the main backers of the Sit/Lie Ordinance- a law that makes it illegal to sit or lie on downtown sidewalks. Because, you know, people coming in from the suburbs and tourists are so scared of the homeless that they don't want to go shopping anymore! So let's just make it illegal to sit on the street and then, you know, no one will be homeless anymore. That's how it works, right?

Anyway, Sam Adams, on the other hand, is quite the wonk. I'm not saying he's perfect, but he's certainly one of the most likeable politicians I've ever met. He's currently City Commissioner, he loves bikes and he's gay. And he's a silver fox! Check him out on a mini bike...


Last weekend there was a Mayoral Candidate Donut Eating Contest at world famous Voodoo Doughnuts. The referee was our current mediocor mayor, Tom Potter. A big group of pedicabbers showed up to watch the mayhem, although it was so crowded I couldn't really see anything. Everyone got two doughnuts, expect for Dozono who was given an empty box (HA!). The winner was the young Craig Gier, who I've never heard of and seems to have no real campaign. After the candidates had finished and started to walk away, I ran into the street with my pedicab and shouted at Sam Adams "Sam Adams, let me give you a pedicab ride!!"
"Well, I don't have any cash," he said.
"I don't care, I'll give you a free one! I just want to give Portland's next mayor a pedicab ride."
He laughed and got in and asked me to wait for his boyfriend. And let me just say, what a cute pair they are.
The day before this, Dozono and Adams had held a debate on the local NPR call in show, Think Out Loud. I called in to ask about affordable housing and what the candidates would do. Unfortunately, my nanny boss walked in just as they put me on air, so I got really nervous and just asked the question and hung up. Both Adams and Dozono talked about creating affordable housing for families in Portland. While I obviously think this is important, I'm kind of annoyed by the idea that only families deserve affordable housing- everyone deserves affordable housing. I'm young and fairly low income, and I'm lucky enough that my landlords have only raised my rent once, by $50 total for our 4 bedroom house. So while I had Sam Adams in my pedicab, I took the chance to ask him about it.
"I called Think Out Loud yesterday when you were on," I said "and asked about affordable housing. But all you talked about was affordable housing for families! What about affordable housing for poor 26-year-olds like me?"
"Ohhh," he said "I don't really remember what I said. But I'll help with affordable housing for everyone! For families and poor single 26-year-olds!"
Well, it wasn't a very substantial answer, but it was 1am and he'd just gorged on donuts, so I'll give him the benefit of the doubt.
I did take a cute picture of him and his boyfriend in the back of my cab with my cell phone, but unfortunately the next night my phone fell out of my pocket and got run over. So you'll just have to imagine it.

to octopus!

So last night I got propositioned for prostitution for the first time.

It was a slow Wednesday night, about midnight, with a minimal number of people out on the streets. I'd already made rent plus about $30, so I decided that if I got one more ride I would turn in.

I was looking pretty cute, but not my usual babe-a-licious pedicab outfit... I almost always wear mini skirts because, well, passengers like looking at my butt, and it probably makes me a little more money. But last night I was wearing a knee length gingham dress from the 50's with white motorcycle boots- I almost looked like I was going to a hoe down.

A group of loud men was standing on a corner near the Embassy Suites, and one of them flags me down. I stop and ask him if he wants a ride. He runs up, and standing a little too close in says "How much to octopus!?" in broken English. I'm certain he's talking about the Greek Cuisina (see above picture), a popular and extraordinarily trashy downtown club (possibly surpassed only by Dirty).

"You mean Greek Cuisina? Uh, five dollars."
"Alright!" he shouts and climbs in. As we start to round the corner he keeps hitting my back and saying "You come to Octopus with me! You come dance with me!"
I laugh nervously. "No, I've got to keep working."
"I pay you all night! I pay you all night! How much? You come dance, you spend night with me! You sleep in the bed with me."
"Uh, no, sorry, I really have to keep working."
"You be in the bed with me! You want, you just sleep. I pay you all night!"
"Sorry, I don't do that."
"Please!"
"No, I don't do that."

He continued to shout and started babbling in his native tongue, so I have no idea what he was saying.

It's rides like this that always feel like they're lasting way too long, even when it's only a few blocks. I saw my friend Tomas ride by with some customers and shouted his name, because I was getting to the point where I was worried that I might need back up to get this guy to leave me alone. When we arrived at the Greek, it appeared to be closed and he stumbled out of me cab.

"Octopus closed!?"

I offered to take him to another club, but he wasn't interested. He continued to babble, semi-incoherently, trying to get me to go with him. I continued to tell him I didn't do that and he pulled out a wad of cashe- not a ton, maybe $100. "How much?"

I was a little too generous. I told him tips and he gave me $10. I think he was trying to show me how much money I would get if I spent the night with him. I really think I could have gotten $20 out of him, but whatever, I was pretty happy to get away from him at that point.

butter them thighs

This will perhaps come as no surprise, but the thing I cannot stop hearing about when I pedicab is my ass. It is, indeed, a hard working ass. It can haul several hundred pounds through the streets of Portland, after all. And if you are sitting in the back of my pedicab, it's right up in your face.

Although I had low self esteem for much of my life, and spent many years feeling bad about my body, I somehow never felt bad about my ass. But the reactions I get to it today- well, I never would have expected them! Maybe if I'd been a pedicab driver in high school my head would have exploded by now from having my ego constantly stroked, and I wouldn't have needed years of therapy to realized I'm not fat and unattractive. Who knows.

Last weekend I picked up a nice man that was going to C.C. Slaughter's, one of Portland's many downtown gay bars. It was only about 6 blocks from where I picked him up. "It's bear night!" he said "I'm really excited to meet some big, hairy guys." I laughed and congratulated him.

As we stopped at a light, a van full of downtown nightlife douche bags pulled up next to us. Perhaps you know the type- they are practically interchangeable with one another. They are white, and they all wear untucked, white button down shirts with jeans, axe body spray, and lots of hair gel. One of them pulls the side door of the van opening and shouts excitedly at my passenger.

"DAMMMMMMMNNN, man, you've got the best fuckin' view! Look at that ass!" And he continued to shout about my ass for two solid minutes. The best part was when he shouted "I would just butter them thighs!" When the light changed and the van pulled away, I half heartedly shouted thanks at them. I wasn't exactly offended, but what do you say to such an enthusiastic, yet uninvited, reaction one's ass?

My passenger, who being gay I knew was not very interested in my ass, shrugged and said "Eh, wrong gender. But, uh, I guess you have a pretty nice butt." I just laughed.